


Killing Sex

by Terygon



Category: Leverage
Genre: Constructive Criticism Welcome, Except Maybe a Little Implied Possible Rape/Dub-Con, Multi, talking about sex, that's pretty much it, very little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 08:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18206156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Terygon/pseuds/Terygon
Summary: Hardison notices something. Elliot sees it when it's pointed out. Parker gets nervous.





	Killing Sex

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first non-Critical Role fic in what might literally be decades. Well, the first one I've finished.

You might be surprised that Elliot wasn't the first to notice. After all, each of their lives depended on him seeing pretty much everything pretty much all the time. And there's the fact that Elliot had probably bedded more women than Hardison had said 'hello' to. But once you take into account that Elliot usually saw her quirks as 'Parker being Parker', rarely thinking beyond that, and Hardison, on the other hand, found everything about her to be enticing, mesmerizing, and another reason to love her, so maybe it isn't so strange he was the first to see.

The hitter caught on quickly, once a few things were pointed out to him, and presented another possible explanation to the one the hacker couldn't actually make himself say. They talked about which explanation was most likely right so they could work out an approach, but the discussion became an argument, as usual, only ending when Parker climbed in through the kitchen window, demanding to know what they were fighting about so she could pick a side. When she left, pouting and without an answer, the two men knew they had to consult their expert.

“So why do you need me?” Sophie asked through the computer monitor.

Hardison answered, his voice tentative as if the grifter's question could be a trap. “So you can help us figure out which of us is right.”

“So who's right is what's important here.”

“Course not! Elliot growled. “But which ever's right will affect how we talk to her.”

“Why?”

Both men opened their mouths to speak, then didn't. They looked at each other, then back at Sophie. After a while Hardison offered, “It would have to, wouldn't it?”

“Why?” she repeated. When they both just sat there, gaping, she sighed. “Hardison, if you're right, what would be the goal of talking with Parker about it?”

“I guess I want her to know that we love her, we always will, and she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to for us to want her to stay with us.”

“And Elliot? What if you're right?”

“The same.” The hitter was slowly nodding his head, starting to see her point.

“And this is Parker we're talking about. Either way you'll need to be both gentle, so she can hear what you say, and direct, so she can understand it. Anything beyond that would be a con.”

Now Hardison was nodding as well, but before he could comment a rope dropped onto the bar beside them and Parker zipped down.

“You two, apartment now.” She headed back up, briefly pausing both her ascent and her glare to chirp, “Hi, Sophie. Bye, Sophie.”

“Go easy on them, dear. They are just men.” The grifter's voice followed the thief to the rafters and the men to the stairs. Neither hacker nor hitter were surprised when they opened the door to find Parker there before them, hands on her hips and steel in her eyes.

“Umm, so how much of that did you hear?”

Somehow, though her gaze focused on Hardison, Parker managed to convey that her displeasure extended to both of them. “Parker, direct, gentle. What's going on?”

Elliot tried to take her hand then, when she snatched it out of his grasp, bestured that they should sit. Parker perched, rather literally, on the arm of the recliner, her arms wrapped around her knees. Hardison claimed the love seat and Elliot chose the ottoman. As the two men searched for words, Parker's faded to be replaced by nervous glances, until eventually she burst out, “Do you want me to leave?”

“Hell, no, mama!” Hardison did some bursting out of his own.

“Course not,” Elliot answered just as promptly, if not as emphatically. “What gave you that idea?”

“What else would be so hard for you to talk about?”

“It's not that it's hard, darlin'; it's that... Well, OK, it's hard but in a totally different way.” As Parker's confused look became more and more worried he finally just spit out, “Do you like sex?”

Hardison rolled his eyes, muttering, “Direct, yes. Gentle...?”

“We--, of... of course I do. Doesn't everybody?” She was learning a lot from Sophie; her dismissive laugh would have fooled almost anyone but the two in front of her, who both heard the faint quaver underneath. They'd been learning from the grifter, too.

“Actually, no, mama. Not everyone likes sex.” Hardison slipped into his pendantic mode. “Some folks associate it with bad events in their past. Others just never saw the appeal. It's like grapefruit. Some like it, some don't, some might have liked it if they hadn't had to eat it when they were kids--”

Elliot back-handed the hacker's shoulder.

“And _I_ don't do gentle?” He may have continued, but she interrupted, almost whispering.

“How did you know? What did I do wrong?”

“Oh, baby girl, nothing. Nothing at all. I just... noticed some things, that's all.”

“Noticed things? What things?”

“Just things, mama. Nothing major, just little things.”

As Hardison flailed Elliot stepped in. “Like afterwards. In my experience, after a good go-round most folks are either beat or energized. You're wired, like the job's almost over and you're just about out, but not quite, and you're listening for security cause that's when most jobs go south.”

“And cuddling. You've come to like cuddling, right mama?” Hardison continued after Parker's tentative nod. “You enjoy a good cuddle, but never after sex. You're out of bed and into the shower about as soon as we let go.”

Elliot took his turn. “And those showers can take anywhere from forty-five minutes to an hour and a half. And I've seen you when your're done. You're beet red and scratched up sometimes too, like you washed with boiling water and steel wool.”

They might have continued, but Parker was muttering.

“Wired. Wired and cuddling. I can relax. Relax and cuddle. I can cuddle more. And no showers after sex. No showers ever, just to be sure. I can fix this.” Her gaze flashed between the to men. “What else?”

“What else?” Hardison repeated. She'd grabbed what they'd said, taken a hard left and run with it so fast and far that echoing was all he could manage.

“Yes, what else? What else did you notice? What else do I need to fix? I can do it. I can. Just tell me.”

“Parker, darlin', you don't need to fix anything”

“Of course I do. I'm doing it wrong, but I can learn to do it right, if you'll give me a chance. Please, please give me a chance! I can do better. I can... I don't... I need... I just... Please don't...” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Please don't... please don't...”

Hardison slipped off the sofa to kneel in fromt of their stuttering thief, half raising his hand to lift her chin, then remembering and stopping. “Don't what, mama?”

“Don't send me away.”

“What? Never, darlin'!” bumped up against “Some days you're crazier than others, baby girl. How stupid do you think we are if you expect us to send you away.”

“But... I don't like sex... and neither of you would want to think you were making me...”

“Well, at least you got that part right.” Elliot stood, moving to take her face in his hands, pulling back before actually touching her. “If you'd popped in seven seconds earlier you'd have heard us telling Sophie we love you, always will and we don't want you to think you have to do things you don't want to just cause you think we want you to.”

Her nose wrinkled as she parsed the last sentence. “So you... _don't_ want to have sex with me?”

“There is just no good way to answer that,” Elliot announced to the rafters.

“No, man, I got this. It's like this, Parker. We want you to have sex with us exactly twice as much as you want it. Which means if you don't want it, then we don't want it even more.” Her response was to blink at him. “Um, number lines? Positive and negative? OK, maybe I don't got this.”

“Parker, there's more to life and... and love than sex. Sure, we'd like to have sex with you, but more than that, we want you to have what you want.”

“I want you to be happy. I want both of you to be happy.”

“And that's what we want for you.”

“I am happy. Mostly.”

Hardison broke in. “Did you just say you wanted us to be happy, mostly? No, you did not. If I told you I was happy mostly, what would you do?”

She didn't even stop to think. “Find out what was wrong, and kill it.”

“Well, there you are, mama. Sex is wrong for you so we're killing it.” He would have razzed their hitter for the pained look he got, but Parker's expression was more compelling. The wonder, almost awe, shining from from her eyes would have melted even Sterling's icy heart. The hacker didn't have a chance.

“You'd do that for me?”

“In a flash. Ask us something hard.”

The thief's head tilted over like an inquisitive puppy's. “What would be hard?”

“Not loving you would be the hardest.”

“The hardest ever, but please don't ask us to do that. We couldn't and I don't even want to try.” Elliot raised his hand to about an inch from her face, like they did when they wanted to reassure her, but weren't sure if it was Don't-Touch-Parker time or not. She leaned into his palm, eyes closed, stroking her cheek with his fingers. She reached out blindly in Hardison's direction. He put his hand in hers and she put it on the other side of her face. After several moments and a little sigh, she opened her eyes. Her mouth moved, tried to speak, then gave up when she brought both of their hand to her lips. She rocked side to side a little, giving their hands back when she stilled. Gazing into their eyes she took her turn to stroke their cheeks. Elliot recognized her expression.

“Need a little Parker time?” She nodded. “Whatever you need, darlin'. Just remember we're here when you need us.”

“Or just want us. Or you want pancakes. Oooh, pancakes. Hey, Elliot, can we have pancakes?”

“Sure, in the morning. When I'm ready to make breakfast,” the hitter growled. Parker tapped her knuckles against the top of her hacker's head as she walked to the climbing rig that still hung from the ceiling. Halfway up she paused.

“You never asked why I don't like it.”

“Cause it's nothing we need to know, mama. It's not really any of our business unless you want to tell us.”

“Or you want us to take someone down,” Elliot chipped in. “I suppose it might also be helpful to know if some day you ever want to try again-”

“Which is not something we're expecting, but knowing where the land mines might be would probably be a good thing if it comes up. But only if you ever think that you want to,” Hardison quickly added. “Otherwise all we need to know is that it's not your thing.”

She smiled quietly, thoughtfully, as she rose to her favorite air vent. After a moment her head popped back out.

“You two are still going to have sex, though, right?”

“Unless it would bother you, darlin'”

“No, no, I was just wondering if… maybe I could watch sometimes?”


End file.
